A Dose of Humility May Do Us Good

For those interested, I've copied below the latest Opinion Piece I wrote for the Kitsap Sun that was published today...

Pride is destroying us…religious pride, academic pride, scientific pride, class pride, ethnic pride, and the list can go on and on…

Pride can be a good thing...proud of our children’s accomplishments or proud we made it five days without eating sugar!  That’s not what I’m talking about.  There is a good pride, and there is…a pride that is destructive and divisive.

Destructive pride makes someone think they are superior to someone else because they have more money or more education.  It is an arrogant attitude causing someone to think they are better than someone else because of their skin color or religious beliefs or political persuasion. 

Not that it is wrong to be proud of our heritage, our beliefs or our political leaning.  We are all very different and different is good.  It would be a pretty boring life if we were all cookie cutter replicas of one another!

Too often in our world, however, different divides us rather than motivating us to form relationships and learn from one another…and become friends rather than antagonists.  

Why is this?  Why do we feel that we have to win an argument rather than have a discussion?  What makes us so quick to condemn another rather than seek common ground with them…and I’m not talking at the expense of what we hold to be true!

I am not in any way diminishing how different we are from one another!  I am an individual of very strong convictions.  What I hold to be truth is certainly very different from what many readers would hold to be truth.  And yet, many of my good friends and myself are very different.  How is this possible?

For many years, for me, it wasn’t possible.  I only associated with and had friendships with those who were like me, held my beliefs and agreed with my political persuasion.  I’m ashamed to say that for way too long I looked down from my superior attitude perch on anyone that was different from me.  I was big on condemning, short on loving.  

What changed?  Or, maybe better worded, what is changing?

Two things have helped me out of an arrogant, antagonistic perspective towards others and into incredible relationships with individuals very different from me:

Identity.  Insecurity is one of the underlying factors that leads to destructive pride.  Which might be hard to believe because arrogant individuals usually come across as extremely confident people.  But, if I am genuinely secure in who I am as an individual, I’m not going to be threatened by someone who is different than me.  

Insecurity breeds fear which makes me defend myself rather than explain myself.  Fear causes me to ridicule rather than seek to understand.  I think our world is in an identity crisis with people identifying with causes and issues and parties, rather than having a clear understanding of who they are that gives them the confidence needed to relate to others very different than themselves.

It was a simple phrase that helped me:  God-confidence is self-confidence.  For years I struggled with insecurity that distanced me from others.  But no one really knew because it was masked by an arrogant superiority that had the air of confidence!  It wasn’t until I became genuinely confident in my relationship with God that I could truly befriend those very different from me.

Maybe the phrase God-confidence is self-confidence is offensive to you.  That’s okay.  We can still be friends!  Confident in who I am, I don’t feel the need to change you but to be your friend.  But for me to be your friend, who is very different from you, you are going to have to be confident in who you are too!  

What is it that gives you confidence in who you are?  I would suggest that it needs to be something deeper than your bank account or job or relationships. Those can all change and your identity shattered. 

Humility.  Humility simply means being emptied of ourselves.  Too often we are individuals who are full of ourselves.  Maybe we think too highly of ourselves to cope with our insecurities?  

It was a Bible verse that helped me with this:  By the goodness of God, I am what I am.  I am who I am because of God’s goodness and the goodness of others.  I am not a self-made man.  I don’t think there is such a man or woman.  

We all need God and one another.  If you don’t want to include God in that statement; that’s okay.  We can still be friends.  In fact, I need you as my friend to help me become the friend I need to be.  And, gasp, you might even find me to be the friend you need!  Because we realize that we need each other as different as we are.