I Survived My Birthday!

Yesterday was my birthday

I turned 65!

The past few years...as I've aged:)

Birthdays have been increasingly hard

Kind of a reminder that I'm coming to the end of my days, I guess
(if anyone doubted how introspective I can be...doubt no longer!)

This one was really tough

Adding cancer to the mix made for a nasty combo

It didn't help that my body was feeling pretty lousy the days leading up to my birthday

I awoke with a low grade temp and aching all over

My family had a wonderful day planned

Church at 10:30am

Lunch out at our lake cabin at 1pm with family, including ALL of our children and grandchildren who are here for Daniel and Hannah's wedding tomorrow!

Everyone together in a relaxing environment

BUT when my alarm awoke me at 8am for my next round of pills, after already having been up several times throughout the night, I was done

I just couldn't see myself keeping doing it anymore, the diet, the supplements, the detox, the body aches, day after day, day after day

Sitting in my bed with the little baggie of pancreatic enzymes in my lap, I came the closest I have to quitting, saying "I just can't keep doing this"!

And thinking all kinds of negative thoughts:

This would probably be my last birthday anyway...

God is probably just keeping me alive for Daniel and Hannah's wedding...

I was too tired...too discouraged to keep doing it day after day

And I was physically feeling really lousy

I sat there, with my amazing wife refusing to leave my side ( I made her late for church!) for an hour and a half wrestling in my mind regarding what to do, while she prayed

Finally, I took them and agreed to be with the family at the cabin

It was hard not to feel encouraged surrounded by their affirmations of love and support all day long

Not to mention lots of texts and messages I received from many of you

So...I survived my birthday...barely!

Thanks again for all your varied ways of encouragement and support

They mean a lot