How could I have imagined the many twists and turns
Ups and downs
Unknowns and uncertainties
That would be brought on by this cancer journey?
When we lived in the Philippines
The young men who didn't work
And just hung out doing nothing with their lives
Were called "kain, tulogs"
Eaters and Sleepers!
That's what they did with their lives
And now that's mostly what I do with my life!
Eat and Sleep...
What a life!
It often makes me struggle with the point and purpose
Of why I'm still around
And what value or worth I bring to the world
As I go day to day
Hurting and sleeping and eating.
Starting immunotherapy again last Friday, May 21
Seemed to go well
No bad reactions during or after the infusion
Though I don't know if it provided any help either...
Time will tell, I guess
In the meantime
Things have gotten discouragingly worse.
It seems that the mesothelioma
Has invaded my lymph system
Resulting, as you know, in my right lung filling with fluid
And now...
Causing serious swelling and pain
In my groin and left hip
Resulting in me now being unable to walk
Without a walker
And with a lot of pain.
It has made me much more dependent upon help
And placed a much greater burden on Cindy
Though she wouldn't call it a burden.
This new development has resulted in
Many tears and discouragement
Grappling with my diminishing physical state.
My initial emotion was anger...
WHY this?
Haven't I gone through enough?
But as I've made it through a few days now
With this new discouraging development
It's weird
But I find myself singing a song in my head
That brings me perspective and peace
"Oh Lord, you are beautiful,
Your face is all I seek.
And when your eyes are on this child,
Your grace abounds to me!"
Crazy!
It was Job who said at the beginning of his immense sufferings
"Shall I receive good from the Lord and not bad?"
In life they do go hand in hand
Although it is easy for us to
Delight in the one and complain about the other!
The plan is to add chemotherapy now
To the immunotherapy
With the hope that it might impact the cancer's
Invasion into the lymph system.
We'll see
How it goes
And if my body can handle it...
But in the meantime I want my song and prayer to continue to be:
"Oh Lord, you are beautiful,
Your face is all I seek.
And when your eyes are on this child
Your grace abounds to me!"
How I need His grace every minute of every day!
Thanks for listening and supporting and praying...
Dave
We all need His grace every moment of every day.. but we don't often recognize that need.. nor the never ending supply of said grace... He is beautiful indeed... and so good and full of grace. I have no doubt your usefulness/value extends well beyond eating and sleeping. You have risen up and called Him Blessed..
ReplyDeleteI love that song! I remember being flat on my back and only being able to weakly sing praise songs. It didn’t take care of my condition, but it healed my soul. You are more than an eater/sleeper! You are able to share with us and to speak with the Lord. And when you sing your heartsong to Him, He delights in you! Rest in His arms and delight His heart and we’ll continue praying for you ♥️
ReplyDeleteLove and gentle hugs,
Ru and Steve
Your in my prayers now Dave, a recent addition to my bag of life’s learned lessons. I thank you for unknowingly setting me in a path I thought I would never understand.
ReplyDeleteYour in my prayers now Dave, a recent addition to my bag of life’s learned lessons. I thank you for unknowingly setting me in a path I thought I would never understand.
ReplyDeleteOh friend... I have no worthy words of comfort. Nothing that would honor your pain, grief, and discouragement. And still there is light, goodness, and everlasting joy to be had. It God is strong. Gentle. Good. Beside you. Confusingly in control. We love you, Dave. May that song wrap around you like a blanket and keep you. -Julia
ReplyDeleteProverbs 18:10 -- "The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe." You are safe with God because He loves and understands your pain. Praying for your good heart.
ReplyDeleteIt has been A blessing to be able to pray for you. I just wanted To let you know what a privilege it was to be able to Take care of my sweet husband, Wayne On his journey to heaven. It was never a burden Or something I Will ever regret. I'm sure that Cindy feels the same way. I don't know what it's like to go through what you've gone through But I do know that you're never alone that God walks right beside you every step of the way. Thank you Dave for your hard work for the lord. You have blessed so many lives through Coffee Oasis. God bless you, Cindy and your family...
ReplyDelete"Your face is all I seek." What a great reminder of a song I'd forgotten about. You may think all you are doing is eating and sleeping. But blogs like this one--ugly though it may have had to be--remind us dull of mind of great truths. Keep preaching from your recliner.
ReplyDeleteHI, Dave. We haven’t talked for about a million years but here I’ am.
ReplyDeleteI remember the first day you came to Manchester.
Me and Mark found out that there was a new preacher coming to town and he had 2 kids and one of them was my age. My Mom told me this because my grandma told us both of us.
We watched for cars that we hadn’t seen before. Me and Mark did this a lot.
We hid in the brush in the trail and watched.
I remember you running around and you were so excited to be hear. I think it was 1958
You guys had a Chrysler, I think it was a 1950. I wish a had that car now. Those were very good cars.
You got me to join vacation bible school and Boys brigade and a couple times church and my grandmother was there.
Wow that was great.
Dave, your “cancer journey “is the greatest,
I read it all the time, sometimes it’s hard to read. But that’s became your struggles are understandable, and it brings tears to my eyes. You are a very good writer Dave.
Thank you my friend.
I love you buddy
Wow! It’s been a million years! I’d love to catch up. What’s the best way? How did you hear about my blog? How are you?
DeleteThe chorus of my favorite song of all time (Brother- Need to Breathe) says:
ReplyDeleteBrother, let me be your shelter
Never leave you all alone
I can be the one you call
When you're low
Brother, let me be your fortress
When the night winds are driving on
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home
I always find the words to this song when I am struggling. It reminds me that God is forever near and is there to guide me home. Praying for you brother.
Music is a powerful antidote. Thanks for sharing the song and your present struggles. We love you.
ReplyDelete