Last Saturday, Cindy and I walked the two mile Staircase trail loop!
It was a beautiful day
Not too hot, not too cold.
We thoroughly enjoyed the time together
Walking along the river
Reveling in the beauty of the old growth trees laden with moss
Eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
Cindy took pictures
Which she later posted on Instagram and Facebook.
Friends were excited about our outing
And my ability to engage in such a physical activity.
We then enjoyed dinner on our way home at Dos Margaritas!
It was a splendid day.
Then...came the rest of the story
As Paul Harvey, which you older folks might remember, would say
I crashed...big time!
I really just recovered today, Wednesday
The day after our outing, Sunday,
I needed to sleep the whole day
And though I was able to work a bit the next three days
I was continued to be whooped and need extra sleep
To recover from our excursion on Saturday:(
DISCOURAGING!
How can one little outing create such exhaustion?
Is this to be my lot in life?
Am I never going to get stronger?
WEAKNESS
This was the week before my next chemo
This was the week when I'm supposed to be the strongest
In my three-week revolving cycle!
And yet here I am...WEAK.
It's made for some really hard days mentally and emotionally
Days that were supposed to be my good days.
Then tonight...
It kind of clicked...again
(Note: I seem to be really slow sometimes)
Cindy and I had a Zoom prayer meeting with several dear friends
Friends, like many of you, who are daily walking with us in this cancer journey.
As we talked and prayed
It became clear to me...again
That the very thing that God is wanting to do through this cancer journey
Is the very thing that I struggle with and battle over every day
To see his power demonstrated in my weakness!
Meaning that both
My internal contentment/peace/joy
And
My external communication efforts
Whether it be blog posts or opinion pieces or books or sermons
Will thrive as I embrace, not battle
Living in weakness!
Do you know what I told Cindy was the first thing that came to my mind as I pondered this?
Damn!
Yep...
I realize that wasn't a very spiritual response
And, if my mom was still living, would have wanted to wash my mouth out with soap!
But it's like it hit me full force in the face
(And I have been working with street-oriented youth for the past 22 years)
This is what God wants me to embrace, not battle.
I want to get better...and there isn't anything wrong with that
I want to get stronger...and that's not a bad thing
But...living in weakness
Sickness, suffering, heartache and pain
Is the life that is daily lived by millions of people
Incredible people, amazing people
People whose lives I honestly never really understood
And certainly couldn't relate to or identify with at all
That life...living in weakness
Is now my life!
Does that mean that I'm giving up?
No!
I'd love to be healed completely of this enemy within me
And run a 10K next year
Or climb Mt. Rainer
Or even walk the Staircase loop without being exhausted!
But...
If that doesn't happen...or until it happens
I want to continue to learn to embrace, not battle
Living in weakness
Both for my own contentment
And for the blessing of others I might be able to encourage as we walk this road together
In weakness.
For the above to happen...
Your support and encouragement and notes and prayers
Continue to mean the world to me every single day!
Thank you so much
Thanks for these good thoughts,for your time and especially for your prayer. We appreciate you. Leaning with you.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your transparency in your posts. You and Cindy are continually in my prayers. I look forward to the updates. Your words in this post really helped my attitude this morning and helped me to look at my health struggles a little different. I am having another fibromyalgia flare up, and I feel like I have done everything to take care of myself and it is not working. I have better dealing with anger over it the last couple days. I have had it over 25 years, and I have not been able to embrace my weakness and not felt content, and I fight it every step of the way, kicking and screaming like a toddler. I was struggling to sleep and saw the light go off on my phone just after I got done praying. I picked it up and saw that you posted and I opened it up. As I read this I felt convicted about my attitude. I needed that! You have had to go through a really difficult thing. As you share your struggles and triumphs on this journey, it gives the rest of us hope and helps us to see things in a different light in our own lives. But most of all we want to know how you are doing, and what specific things we can be praying for. God bless you and Cindy.
ReplyDeletePraying for you today. To find rest and peace in the midst of the battle. To allow God to fill you to overflowing even as you are flat on your back. To know that the Almighty is working in you in so many ways. And to realize how you are loved by our Father and so many people. Us included.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Ru and Steve
This... Thanks for sharing, Dave. Although my condition is peanuts by comparison, your words resonate! I have come to consider it a luxury to feel helpless, because the rest of the time I operate under the illusion that I'm not. But we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us, and when we are weak, then we are strong, for His grace is sufficient and His power made perfect in weakness.
ReplyDeleteI read every single one of your blog posts Dave! And I'm glad that I do that, it's inspiring and genuine.
ReplyDeleteDave, your transparency is teaching many of us how to embrace suffering, whatever form it may take. Heaven is real. Thank you for sharing your journey.
ReplyDeleteThank you for being raw and honest Pastor Dave. Praying for you and Cindy, ((HUGS)))
ReplyDelete