The Saga Continues

I wasn't going to continuing blogging

But today was momentous enough to pass on a report

For those of you who are interested:)

The day began very early this morning

Or last night

Depending on your perspective!

Unable to sleep

Because of intense abdominal pain,

I finally got up around 4am 

To sit it out in my living room chair.

Cindy, realizing that I was up

Joined me and convinced me to go to the ER.

FYI...I do NOT like going to the ER!

This had been going on for over a week:

Severe abdominal pain

Extreme intestinal disorder (read the "d" word!)

Increasing fatigue

A racing and arrhythmic heart (maybe the most scary of all).

We arrived at the ER around 6am from our Tahuya lake cabin

And returned this evening around 6pm...

A looong day!

To cut to the chase

After an...

EKG - make that 2 EKGs

CT scan with contrast

Ultrasound of the liver and gallbladder

HIDA scan of the gallbladder

Not to mention blood, urine and stool samples;

The following was determined:

1. The abdominal pain and extreme "d" is due to inflammation of the intestines

(Including the gallbladder)

Due to one of the immunotherapy drugs, which, though it has been very beneficial in fighting the cancer,

Is causing my body's organs to attack themselves!

Which is one of the possible contraindications of this immunotherapy drug:(

Solution:

I didn't have my treatment today as scheduled 

And will meet with my oncologist to discuss how to continue.

In the meantime, he prescribed a steroid to reduce the inflammation

And with it, hopefully, the pain and "d".

2. The heart issue is: 

Atypical atrial flutter

Or, to put it simply,

The heart is not beating as it should:(

Why this is happening is unknown

Or why it started happening out of the blue.

Is it the heart being affected by the tumor?

Or is it another affect of the immunotherapy drug?

Solution:

I have a referral to a cardiologist 

To discuss how to "fix" the heart problem.

That's it for another exciting day in the Frederick household!

Cindy and I are thankful again to be home together tonight.

As I mentioned...

I am trimming back on my blogging

In order to focus on internal peace, rest and contentment

During this cancer journey.

I want to daily thrive throughout this journey

In the really hard days and the good days.

Whether I'm feeling okay or like I just got hit by a truck!

And I know that is only possible

As I practice what I've preached:)

"God will keep in perfect peace the one whose mind is fixed on Him"

And, that is tough!

So I know, for me, that needs to be sought after with laser focus

And not merely as a part-time hobby

In order not merely to survive but THRIVE in this journey!

YES!

Thanks for listening

Appreciate you all MUCH!

Dave

The Cloud

I have so many things to be thankful for in the midst of this cancer journey...

My tumor markers continue to be in the normal range

And my blood work this past week completely moved into the standard range

My white blood count, my red blood count,

My hematocrit, my hemoglobin and my platelets,

To mention just a few of the key ones!

That is crazy

When you stop and realize that this is happening 

While I am receiving regular chemo treatments

Or, to put it another way,

While I am having poison regularly poured into my body!

And...while I still have this enemy, cancer, in my body!

Yes, I have tons to be thankful for...

So, WHY do I constantly have The Cloud

Descending upon me and enveloping me?

At times almost suffocating me?

The Cloud being this darkness that descends upon me

Overwhelming me with despair regarding this cancer journey.

The answer on the surface is understandable:

Every minute of every day I am conscious of my cancer

Either because of the effects of the cancer or the treatment of it...

The extreme weariness

The nausea

The pain/throbbing on the top right side of head

The high blood pressure

(Note: Historically, I have always had low blood pressure)

The way I am conscious of and "feel" my lungs all the time

The periodic shortness of breath

Not to mention the unexpected surprises that remind me

That I shouldn't be surprised at any new thing I might experience 

Throughout this journey.

These physical symptoms are certainly at the heart of...

WHY The Cloud regularly descends upon me

Mentally and emotionally drowning me in despair and discouragement.

This Cancer Journey is just plain old HARD!

With no relief in sight and no end in sight

And no guarantee that I'm going to accomplish anything

Today or tomorrow or the next day

Except just get through the day!

BUT...it is more than that,

The WHY, that is...

And that is why I began writing this blog 

Tonight just shy of midnight...

I am struggling with really trusting God

That through this Cancer Journey

He is doing and will do what is GOOD

For me and through me!

Not that cancer is good

Good grief...NO!

But that God in his goodness and power

Can and is turning the horrible thing that is cancer

Into good in and through my life

In a way that wouldn't happen without it!

I believe this with my head.

I need to embrace it with my heart!

I need the sunshine of God's goodness 

To break through The Cloud

Freeing me to trust him

To be the GOOD GOD that I know that he is

And thrive, not merely survive,

This Cancer Journey!

Thanks:)

Shingles

 In case you are new to this blog

And think you accidentally landed on a roofing blog instead...

I'm not referring to roofing shingles in my title!

Unfortunately, I'm referring to the viral infection that can be quite painful.

For several weeks now I've experienced pain on the right side of my scalp

That's correct...only the right side

You could draw a line down the center of my scalp 

And the pain stops at that line.

Figuring that it was detoxing happening through my scalp

As the chemo and immunotherapy drugs were doing their job

We never mentioned it to my doctor

Until this past Friday before my infusion treatment.

Immediately, he knew what it was...shingles!

He'd actually wondered if I might get them...

I fit all the factors for having an increased risk of developing them:

1. Being older than 50

Which I know comes as a surprise to those of you who thought I was still a spring chicken!

2. Having certain diseases - you guessed it, cancer

3. Undergoing cancer treatments, i.e. chemotherapy

4. Taking certain medications, which I am taking as part of my treatment

I remember my father having shingles...

It was almost debilitating for him due to the severe pain.

Thankfully, Cindy and I both received the shingles vaccine a couple of years ago

Which seems to have greatly reduced the severity of the symptoms.

Yay!

Who would have guessed the many exciting twists and turns

This cancer journey would entail!

One final encouragement, in speaking with my doctor on Friday...

I asked him point blank again

If there was any case study of anyone being cured from my cancer?

His simple answer - NO - We are in uncharted territory!

I've mentioned this before

But, in the midst of all the ups and downs, hopes and discouragements,

We are in miraculous territory!

And I'm am so grateful.

Thankyou for walking this challenging and exciting journey with us!

Dave

Living in Weakness

 Last Saturday, Cindy and I walked the two mile Staircase trail loop!

It was a beautiful day

Not too hot, not too cold.

We thoroughly enjoyed the time together

Walking along the river

Reveling in the beauty of the old growth trees laden with moss

Eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

Cindy took pictures

Which she later posted on Instagram and Facebook.

Friends were excited about our outing

And my ability to engage in such a physical activity.

We then enjoyed dinner on our way home at Dos Margaritas!

It was a splendid day.

Then...came the rest of the story

As Paul Harvey, which you older folks might remember, would say

I crashed...big time!

I really just recovered today, Wednesday

The day after our outing, Sunday,

I needed to sleep the whole day

And though I was able to work a bit the next three days

I was continued to be whooped and need extra sleep 

To recover from our excursion on Saturday:(

DISCOURAGING!

How can one little outing create such exhaustion?

Is this to be my lot in life?

Am I never going to get stronger?

WEAKNESS

This was the week before my next chemo

This was the week when I'm supposed to be the strongest

In my three-week revolving cycle!

And yet here I am...WEAK.

It's made for some really hard days mentally and emotionally

Days that were supposed to be my good days.

Then tonight...

It kind of clicked...again

(Note: I seem to be really slow sometimes)

Cindy and I had a Zoom prayer meeting with several dear friends

Friends, like many of you, who are daily walking with us in this cancer journey.

As we talked and prayed

It became clear to me...again

That the very thing that God is wanting to do through this cancer journey

Is the very thing that I struggle with and battle over every day

To see his power demonstrated in my weakness!

Meaning that both

My internal contentment/peace/joy

And

My external communication efforts

Whether it be blog posts or opinion pieces or books or sermons

Will thrive as I embrace, not battle

Living in weakness!

Do you know what I told Cindy was the first thing that came to my mind as I pondered this?

Damn!

Yep...

I realize that wasn't a very spiritual response

And, if my mom was still living, would have wanted to wash my mouth out with soap!

But it's like it hit me full force in the face

(And I have been working with street-oriented youth for the past 22 years)

This is what God wants me to embrace, not battle.

I want to get better...and there isn't anything wrong with that

I want to get stronger...and that's not a bad thing

But...living in weakness

Sickness, suffering, heartache and pain

Is the life that is daily lived by millions of people

Incredible people, amazing people

People whose lives I honestly never really understood

And certainly couldn't relate to or identify with at all

That life...living in weakness

Is now my life!

Does that mean that I'm giving up?

No!

I'd love to be healed completely of this enemy within me

And run a 10K next year

Or climb Mt. Rainer

Or even walk the Staircase loop without being exhausted!

But...

If that doesn't happen...or until it happens

I want to continue to learn to embrace, not battle

Living in weakness

Both for my own contentment

And for the blessing of others I might be able to encourage as we walk this road together

In weakness.

For the above to happen...

Your support and encouragement and notes and prayers

Continue to mean the world to me every single day!

Thank you so much

Pursuing Truth Rather Than Just Preferences

For those of you interested...I am sending your way my latest Opinion Piece that was published in the Kitsap Sun today...

One of the hidden blessings of this cancer journey has been the time to pursue my dream of writing.

Who knows...maybe there is a book or two in the hopper!

Watching this season of America’s Got Talent with my wife, one of the familiar advertisements we saw during the commercial breaks was the appearance of King 5 News reporter Angela Poe Russell repeating the news channel’s mantra “I Stand for Truth”.

Watching always made me wonder, “really”?  Because a commitment to seeking the truth does not seem to be a high priority in our highly partisan world where supporting one’s party or one’s self-serving interests seem to take precedence over a pursuit of truth.

Of course no one would actually admit to being partisan instead of pursuing truth, but the evidence seems overwhelming.  Democrats and Republicans line up according to party affiliation when casting votes.  Progressives and conservatives uniformly tout agendas in line with progressive or conservative thought.  Even the rule of law supposedly upheld by the Supreme Court is tainted by whether a judge is liberal or conservative.

What ever happened to truth?  Do we have any politicians or preachers or teachers committed to the pursuit and promulgation of truth or is everyone merely committed to parroting their own particular party, denominational or philosophical line?

The logical response to the above questions is certainly another question “What is truth?”.  This is the well-known question Pontius Pilate asked Jesus as recorded in the book of John, chapter 18, verses 37-38, when Jesus had said to him “The reason I was born and came into the world is to testify to the truth. Everyone on the side of truth listens to me”.  To which Pilate retorted, “What is truth?”.

The King 5 News mantra illustrates the very issue that I am raising.  Reporters boldly proclaim “I stand for truth”.  But, what is the truth they are standing for?  Did you notice that they are not proclaiming “I stand for THE truth”?  This would be offensive to listeners who in our post-modern world reject the notion of objective truth claims, instead finding it more palatable for everyone to decide for themselves what is truth.  I’m guessing that even now some of my readers are beginning to bristle over the thought that I would be arrogant enough to claim that I know what is the truth!

I fear that the result of this fear of and rejection of objective truth is what has led us to no longer really pursuing truth.  After all, what is left to pursue and fight for except our own opinions and party line if there is no such thing as THE truth?

Don’t worry; I am not writing here to preach at you (though I do love to preach and I am personally committed to Jesus as THE truth) but instead to challenge us, myself included, to really pursue truth and not merely spout our personal opinions or follow the party line.

I am asking that each of us purposefully and mindfully pursue THE truth or, if that is a little to intimidating, to purposefully and mindfully pursue truth!

It will not be easy.  Politicians are expected to tow the party line.  Parishioners are expected to follow the denominational or non-denominational line.  And neither of the above is wrong IF those lines are being followed in a mindful pursuit of the truth and not merely doing as someone else has dictated.

The beautiful thing about the above pursuit of truth is that it will also force each of us to question the source of our pursuit.  In other words, if we are to ask “What is truth?” we must then decide where we find such truth, if that truth source is reliable and why that is our source of truth.  We will become thinking people rather than herd mentality people!

When I was a teaching assistant in a World Religions class many years ago at the University of Washington while working on a second Master’s degree; I privately challenged the professor I was working with about the accuracy of something he taught.  His reply stunned me.  “It doesn’t matter.  My intent is not to teach correct information, but to destroy the faith of the students in my class!”  I’ve always wondered how many of those students saw that professor as their source of truth?

Do you stand for truth?  What is the source of that truth?  I believe taking seriously these two questions will both build much needed dialogue and reduce the deepening divide that is tearing our country apart as we become more a people pursuing truth together rather than merely following the party line.