I'm Tired

I'm Tired...

of

taking 200 supplements every day

detoxing my body 4 times each day

eating only a special restrictive diet

that my wife, Cindy, does an incredible job making taste delicious

but

has eliminated from my diet

juicy hamburgers

Papa Murphy's pizza

BBQ ribs

an IPA

Bailey's Irish Cream milkshakes

donuts

eating out (try finding a restaurant that has totally organic, vegetarian, whole grain, no sugar menu items)

you will be looking in vain...or surprise me:)

you get the idea!

I'm tired...

of having absolutely no energy

of not being able to attend church because it would wipe me out for the rest of the week

of only being able to attend half of an event because I can't handle any more than that

of feeling yucky much of the time

of feeling like I'm getting worse, not better

my breathing worse than it used to be
(I will be going to the doctor again this week to see if my lungs need to be drained again)

I'm tired...

of doing this day after day after day

and not having any idea of whether things are better or worse:(
(none of the scans were able to detect the extent of my lung cancer, so there is no real point in getting another one)

I'm tired...

of fighting this Enemy Within - Cancer

Question:

When is it okay to quit fighting?

Not to hasten the dying process

But to increase the enjoyment of the remaining living process

I know, I know

A heavy, heavy question that breeds many more questions

Questions I wrestle with every day

As, in my tiredness, I live out this Cancer Journey.

This blog will come as a shock to many of you

Who think of me as a strong person

A fighter

Now you know the truth

I'm tired...

Thanks for listening and praying