Learning to Live with Hard

If I've learned one thing through this Cancer Journey...

It's that I did not understand anything about suffering
(and I readily acknowledge that what I'm "suffering" is still peanuts compared to what multitudes of others are experiencing)

I never really "got" what it was like for people with

Chronic Pain

Mental Disease

PTSD

Addictions

Chronic Sickness

Physical Disease

I sought to have compassion, but was greatly lacking in empathy

I did not understand, I was told by some individuals

Which of course I protested and disagreed with

But...I really did not!

I didn't understand why individuals couldn't just...

Get their acts together

Be thankful in everything

Trust the Lord

Set their minds on things above

And things would be alright!

I get it a lot more now...

It's one thing to get through an acute problem or pain

But something chronic, ongoing, with no end in sight

That's another matter!

And what makes it harder for me

Is to think I should have already mastered this, figured it out, got my act together

And be full of peace and joy and contentment

In the midst of this Journey

Good grief...I'm a pastor!

But...not so:(

I have good moments

While listening to an encouraging song or a good audio book

Or experiencing the incredible love and encouragement of family and friends:)

I am massively blessed!

And yet the daily battle to experience joy and hope is hard

Really hard:(

It's interesting

How most of my life has been lived fighting for others to experience joy and hope

But how impotent and incompetent I feel in fighting for them myself!

So, again I am very thankful for you all who care and come alongside in a variety of ways to lift me up and support and encourage me in this Battle

Thank you!

WOW!

It was five months and three days ago, February 19, 2019 that my life was turned upside down when a chest x-ray revealed what was soon to be diagnosed as stage four malignant pleural mesothelioma.

Life, as I’d known it, was to a great degree put on hold in a full-throttled effort to deal with this enemy within.

One of those things put on hold was a house that Cindy and I were building on a small lake in Mason county as a get-a-way place for ourselves and others to be refreshed and renewed.

It had been a dream for years.

We’d completed the basic structure including roof, siding and rough-in plumbing, electrical and HVAC, and then my health situation eliminated me from continuing to do anything towards finishing the project.

It looked like our hoped for get-a-way had become an elusive dream that might not be realized for years.

Sunday, July 21, 2019

After much cajoling, Cindy, Daniel and Stephanie got me to go out to the lake house to "share a surprise with me".  Leaving the house is not something I look forward to both because of the strictness of the treatment regime I must adhere to and also how easily I get exhausted as my body fights this enemy, cancer.

WOW!

I was soon overwhelmed with emotion as we drove down the driveway and I saw what was quickly revealed to be a totally completed, final inspection passed, absolutely gorgeous house!  

I was stunned.  I had no idea.  Walking through the completed and fully furnished home was like thumbing through the pages of Sunset magazine!

What had happened?

An incredible, amazing, and stunning demonstration of love by Jesus’ followers as dozens of volunteers from The Refuge Church and The Coffee Oasis, along with other friends, gave of their time (hundreds of hours) and money (thousands of dollars) to perform what seemed to me to be a miracle!

All I could do was cry

There is a lot that can be criticized about the church.  It is full of imperfect people.  (It includes me!)  I just saw another article last night about a well-known Christian author and his wife separating after 19 years of marriage.

BUT...the church is alive and well and demonstrating beautifully the love of Jesus in our corner of the world!!

And what a HUGE encouragement and blessing to me again of the tons of individuals out there who care and support me in this cancer journey!

I am a blessed man!

Thank you all for being there.

Dave

PS I really needed it too as the days before had been pretty dark days walking this journey.

Back At It

Yesterday I began again The Treatment Program

After 10 days trying to figure out what was thought to be an allergic reaction to something

10 days later we still aren't sure what is going on

We stopped all the supplements and anything that we thought might be contributing to the rash and itching that makes me want to scratch my skin off of my body

But no real change

While I'm sitting here typing this, I am working hard at not scratching my skin off but I'm only being minimally successful:(

I am successfully restraining myself from screaming so as not to wake up Cindy!

So the best educated guess, at this point, is that what is going on in my body is actually a good thing

It is part of the detoxing process

My body ridding itself of stuff that needs to go for my body to be healthy
(do you like my scientific way of describing things!)

Like Candida

Which would be incredible
(you would understand if you've seen my toenails or the fingernails on my right hand!)

So The Treatment Program continues

With the hope that as the detoxing continues

And the yuck gets out

The itching and rash will merrily go its way also:)

To be honest, it was hard starting up again

After 10 days of not having to take 200 supplements every day and not having to get up every 45 minutes or so during the night

It was like a dark cloud beginning to descend and envelop my mind again

But after Day Two "back at it", I'm beginning again to get into the routine

Working again at a deep peace that guards my heart and mind day and night, day and night in the thick of My Cancer Journey as I'm learning to give it all to God constantly "with thanksgiving"

Yes...thanksgiving!

(some of you are thinking that I've really lost it now!)

That was the thought that went through my mind yesterday as I was thinking about this "nothing that I would have chosen" Cancer Journey that has become my new daily

Thanksgiving

For What?

For God offering me the opportunity to know Him and experience Him in a way that I haven't yet in my almost 65 years

As I learn to, in a way that I've never had to or chosen to, depend upon Him for grace and peace and joy and contentment

When I feel like scratching my skin off or giving up or spiraling into despair because of this Cancer Journey

Hmmm...

That is my daily desire and challenge and battle

Thanks again for all the support and encouragement:)

Stopped!

Well...I guess it was never promised that this was going to be easy...

Five days ago I had an allergic reaction to something

It began on the 20th day of The Treatment Program

Five days later it has not receded but continues to cause a rash throughout my body

Even on my tongue, which is very challenging!

It has not been lessened or gone away with Benadryl

I have spoken with the doctor several times in an attempt to figure out the culprit

No success:(

Oh my...

Tomorrow I will be going to my local doctor to probably get on Prednisone to bring this thing under control

In the meantime, I will be stopping The Treatment Program

No supplements or detox

I will continue with the diet

The hard thing is that we have no idea what is causing the allergic reaction in order to do something about it

Yes...it is discouraging

It is also taking a bit of a toll on my body

Which is partly due to the Benadryl which makes me sleepy much of the time

Would appreciate your prayers for wisdom in figuring this thing out in order to get back on track with The Treatment Program as soon as possible.

Till next time...

PS I continue to appreciate your notes of encouragement along the way...thank you!