The most significant, daily challenge for me
As I walk this cancer journey
Is the internal mental struggle
That goes with this journey.
It is so unpredictable
And difficult
And unknown
How I will feel today
Or tomorrow
Or the next day.
Every day
And every treatment cycle
And how my body will respond
Is unknown
Except to know
That it will be another physically challenging
And difficult day
In which I will mentally struggle
To be internally at peace.
As I was reflecting on this today
Looking back over the past several difficult days
And my internal, mental struggle
In light of my external, physical condition
It dawned on me how similar and prevalent this
Lack of peace
Might be in light of the COVID-19 pandemic
Which is captured poignantly
In this excerpt from an article I saw in the NY Times today:
"All I've really known is that the answer to work and to emotional strife
Has been to work harder and work more.
Now he realizes that may not be enough.
Soon, there is no 'harder' and no 'more'
And that leaves me with uncertainty I will have to face.
I will have to slow down and process my emotions".
So this cancer journey of mine
And this global coronavirus pandemic
Pushes us all to ask
"How can we experience internal PEACE
In the midst of these external challenges?"
I'll be honest...
I'm not doing a very good job:(
My life experience thus far had been limited to
Experiencing acute, temporary pain and heartache and challenges
With an end in sight that I could hold on for
Rather than this
Expectation of ongoing pain and heartache
With no end in sight.
Can you sense my lack of peace?
It's not that I'm unaware of the promise of peace
A peace that passes all understanding
That is offered to me (all of us)
By the Prince of Peace.
"My peace I give to you," said Jesus,
"Not as the world gives, give I to you".
I think it's just that maybe
I've always sought to experience such peace
"As the world gives"
In other words...
Through external change such as...
Elimination of pain
Or change of circumstances
(Like the man in the NY Times article)
Rather than internal transformation
Providing peace and contentment and even joy!
In the face of continued external pain and suffering.
It has dawned on me
That rather than beating myself up
(which I can be very good at!)
For not experiencing the incredible peace offered by Jesus
It's another "positive" of this cancer journey
Putting me in the situation where
Peace "as the world gives"
(changing the external)
Just doesn't cut it anymore
I need to and must
Find the internal peace that passes all understanding
That is found in the Prince of Peace
In the thick of this ongoing and unknown cancer journey.
That's what I want.
That's what I need
To not just survive
But thrive
As I walk this cancer journey
Day after day after day...
Simply hoping, depending, trusting and delighting
In Jesus!
Experiencing Him as my peace!
Thanks again for your prayer and support!
I need them:)
And I pray that you also, in these uncertain times, may experience His Peace!
Blessings,
Dave
Dear Dave,
ReplyDeleteYou are a warrior! You didn’t choose to be, but here you are. I have never served in the military, but I have served on the front lines for Christ. I’ve helped the persecuted, championed the marginalized and challenged the privileged. I am no one, and yet I am Christ’s! You have been a beacon to many in your life and a blessing to thousands. This journey is arduous and uncertain, but Jesus is yoked to you through it. Ease into His gate and rely on His strength. We are cheering for you and crying out to Father for your health, your strength, your release from pain, and your continued heart to battle on! We love you.
Ru and Steve
Thank you Dave. We love you. We love you all. J & J
ReplyDeleteLove you, brother. Praying for your peace. Thank you for your vulnerability and openness, man. That's a treasure to the Body.
ReplyDeleteI so appreciate your candor and honesty. So often we don’t bother to go underneath the surface to the “how” of what we are promised as believers. Like you, me and many others, we “try” for peace but it falls far short of what it should be due to our surface understanding. In light of this COVID-19 pandemic, I was sent something from a friend who forwarded an article written by a pastor in Italy. In it, he said it is good to ask the following questions: God, how do you want to change me in the midst of this and what do you want me to learn? I believe those are lasting changes which help with peace.
ReplyDeleteYou are an amazing light burning bright to reveal God's glory. No amount of darkness dims it Dave though it's difficult to impossible for you to see. We're here to let you know & then to remind you again & again that you shine! The main lie of the Disneyland Christian Manifesto is that Jesus' disciples shine brightest when things are going well. This is Bless Me Club mentality & part of the old wine belief system, and we say No to it!!!
ReplyDeleteThe truth is that you are learning to be content in all things like Paul, and we're privileged to be given a behind the scenes view into your classroom because of your willingness to be transparent. We need more of what you're preaching brother Dave. God is using you greatly, so thank you.
All this said, I am so sorry for your pain & struggles, and I would love to take it all away. Since I'm unable to, I'm entrusting you into the hands of our Most High God!!!
Sending love & prayers,
Ann
Dave, the search for peace has been so difficult for me. It's something I rarely have, I appreciate your words and your vulnerability in such a difficult time. It is a true sign of strength; that your weakness can be used for good. It's something I've always admired about you, a willingness to do difficult things. Now faced with a trial you did not willingly pursue, your true strength and years of practice are put on display for the glory of God. It's amazing how God works in preparing us for things we didn't see coming. I hope and pray for you and Cindy to have a great peace that passes all understanding as you continue on in your journey. -Paul
ReplyDeleteDear Dave, thank you for sharing your journey with honesty and transparency. Thank you for reminding us about life and also the hope we have in the Lord. You are in my prayers and I ask the Lord to reveal His peace to you in remarkable ways.
ReplyDelete