I'm Tired...
of
taking 200 supplements every day
detoxing my body 4 times each day
eating only a special restrictive diet
that my wife, Cindy, does an incredible job making taste delicious
but
has eliminated from my diet
juicy hamburgers
Papa Murphy's pizza
BBQ ribs
an IPA
Bailey's Irish Cream milkshakes
donuts
eating out (try finding a restaurant that has totally organic, vegetarian, whole grain, no sugar menu items)
you will be looking in vain...or surprise me:)
you get the idea!
I'm tired...
of having absolutely no energy
of not being able to attend church because it would wipe me out for the rest of the week
of only being able to attend half of an event because I can't handle any more than that
of feeling yucky much of the time
of feeling like I'm getting worse, not better
my breathing worse than it used to be
(I will be going to the doctor again this week to see if my lungs need to be drained again)
I'm tired...
of doing this day after day after day
and not having any idea of whether things are better or worse:(
(none of the scans were able to detect the extent of my lung cancer, so there is no real point in getting another one)
I'm tired...
of fighting this Enemy Within - Cancer
Question:
When is it okay to quit fighting?
Not to hasten the dying process
But to increase the enjoyment of the remaining living process
I know, I know
A heavy, heavy question that breeds many more questions
Questions I wrestle with every day
As, in my tiredness, I live out this Cancer Journey.
This blog will come as a shock to many of you
Who think of me as a strong person
A fighter
Now you know the truth
I'm tired...
Thanks for listening and praying
Monday, October 21, 2019
Monday, October 7, 2019
A Good Day
Saturday was a full day
And a good one
In the morning was my mom's memorial service
It was both a time of grieving her absence
And celebrating her life
What a treat to see the many, many people who came to celebrate and honor her
Some whom we had not seen for decades!
Mom was definitely a woman who impacted many people by her life and love
Through her hospitality, teaching, praying and pouring her life out in loving service of others
I'm thankful to God for her.
In the evening was The Coffee Oasis Annual Gala Fundraiser
Thankfully I got a good nap in between the two:)
Because they both took a lot of social interaction and emotional energy
At least for this introvert whose body is also battling an enemy inside!
What an evening...
It was at the Kitsap Conference Center and had sold out a couple of weeks before
It's been amazing and incredible to see how God has blessed The Coffee Oasis over the past 22 years and increased the number of people who are eager to support our ministry to homeless youth
Three highlights...
1. Several of our youth shared and did an incredible job
It was the heart of the evening and made a fundraiser more like a family sharing time that couldn't help but move and impact anyone in attendance
As they heard the youth's stories and how their lives have been impacted
2. Our goal was to raise $65,000 and we raised $88,481
Oh, yes!
And, all the Puget Sound area MOD Pizza locations that night contributed 10% of their sales towards the The Coffee Oasis
So there is more to come!
We are so thankful and blessed:)
3. We announced Daniel, our son, as the new Executive Director beginning January 1, 2020
To be honest, I didn't do much announcing
But with Cindy's help got through it with a lot of tears and sat down!
What a blessing it is to pass the reigns of leadership to Daniel
Again we have much to be thankful for:)
And I was exhausted!
And I crashed:(
Basically slept all day today...Sunday
As my body tried to recoup from all the interaction and emotion
It will probably even take a couple more days to recover
It is really, really hard being sooooo weak:(
Having so little capacity for social interaction and engagement
It, as I've shared before, easily leads down a path of mental battling
And discouragement
Which is obviously compounded by physical weakness and emotional exhaustion
However, in the midst of the battle, it was a good day
I am very thankful
And a good one
In the morning was my mom's memorial service
It was both a time of grieving her absence
And celebrating her life
What a treat to see the many, many people who came to celebrate and honor her
Some whom we had not seen for decades!
Mom was definitely a woman who impacted many people by her life and love
Through her hospitality, teaching, praying and pouring her life out in loving service of others
I'm thankful to God for her.
In the evening was The Coffee Oasis Annual Gala Fundraiser
Thankfully I got a good nap in between the two:)
Because they both took a lot of social interaction and emotional energy
At least for this introvert whose body is also battling an enemy inside!
What an evening...
It was at the Kitsap Conference Center and had sold out a couple of weeks before
It's been amazing and incredible to see how God has blessed The Coffee Oasis over the past 22 years and increased the number of people who are eager to support our ministry to homeless youth
Three highlights...
1. Several of our youth shared and did an incredible job
It was the heart of the evening and made a fundraiser more like a family sharing time that couldn't help but move and impact anyone in attendance
As they heard the youth's stories and how their lives have been impacted
2. Our goal was to raise $65,000 and we raised $88,481
Oh, yes!
And, all the Puget Sound area MOD Pizza locations that night contributed 10% of their sales towards the The Coffee Oasis
So there is more to come!
We are so thankful and blessed:)
3. We announced Daniel, our son, as the new Executive Director beginning January 1, 2020
To be honest, I didn't do much announcing
But with Cindy's help got through it with a lot of tears and sat down!
What a blessing it is to pass the reigns of leadership to Daniel
Again we have much to be thankful for:)
And I was exhausted!
And I crashed:(
Basically slept all day today...Sunday
As my body tried to recoup from all the interaction and emotion
It will probably even take a couple more days to recover
It is really, really hard being sooooo weak:(
Having so little capacity for social interaction and engagement
It, as I've shared before, easily leads down a path of mental battling
And discouragement
Which is obviously compounded by physical weakness and emotional exhaustion
However, in the midst of the battle, it was a good day
I am very thankful
Tuesday, October 1, 2019
Nothing is Easy
So...I had my left lung drained last Wednesday, September 25th
What should have been an easy procedure bringing me relief and an expanded capacity to breathe
Especially considering that they took out 1,500cc of fluid from my lung!
Which I knew was a lot when the doctor looked at the ultrasound and commented...
That's a lot of fluid!
It did bring relief
Kind of
Except that nothing about my body seems to cooperate like a normal body:(
I was out of the hospital in under two hours with the expectation that all was well
But, it wasn't
I couldn't bend over or lay down without really sharp pain in my left lung!
I could breathe better but not deeply without the sharp pain
For the next two nights I had to sleep sitting up in a chair to not experience the pain
Something was obviously not what it should be
So I had another chest X-ray two days later on Friday, September 27th to try and figure out what was causing the pain
The X-ray looked good
Which was both good news and bad news
Good news because my lung showed that it was expanding as it should
Bad news because there was no indication of what was causing the pain:(
The only solution seemed to be pain management (i.e. taking pain medication) to try and ease the pain so that I could lay down and breathe deeply
Instead I decided to try something else...because I really do NOT like taking medication
I propped myself up at a 45 degree angle while laying down
And I was able to sleep that way for the next two days!
So I lowered the angle to about 20 degrees the third day and it again worked
Finally, for the last two days I have been able to lay completely flat without pain as well as bending over without pain
Hallelujah!
It seems that my lung was so scrunched up from the amount of fluid that the expanding process was abnormally painful
It does seem that nothing is easy in this cancer journey
It is definitely a day by day by day journey...
On Sunday, two days ago, we had an open house at our generously finished lake cabin
Which was a wonderful time visiting with and thanking people
But the aftermath of such social ventures is really rough...causing me to physically, mentally and emotionally "crash" for some days due to the output it requires and the very little capacity that I still have in this body that is in the midst of battling cancer
So, I would appreciate prayer for the end of this week...
My mom's Memorial Service and The Coffee Oasis Annual Gala Fundraiser are both on this coming Saturday!
And I will be speaking at both:)
Thank you again for your support and encouragement and prayer
Dave
What should have been an easy procedure bringing me relief and an expanded capacity to breathe
Especially considering that they took out 1,500cc of fluid from my lung!
Which I knew was a lot when the doctor looked at the ultrasound and commented...
That's a lot of fluid!
It did bring relief
Kind of
Except that nothing about my body seems to cooperate like a normal body:(
I was out of the hospital in under two hours with the expectation that all was well
But, it wasn't
I couldn't bend over or lay down without really sharp pain in my left lung!
I could breathe better but not deeply without the sharp pain
For the next two nights I had to sleep sitting up in a chair to not experience the pain
Something was obviously not what it should be
So I had another chest X-ray two days later on Friday, September 27th to try and figure out what was causing the pain
The X-ray looked good
Which was both good news and bad news
Good news because my lung showed that it was expanding as it should
Bad news because there was no indication of what was causing the pain:(
The only solution seemed to be pain management (i.e. taking pain medication) to try and ease the pain so that I could lay down and breathe deeply
Instead I decided to try something else...because I really do NOT like taking medication
I propped myself up at a 45 degree angle while laying down
And I was able to sleep that way for the next two days!
So I lowered the angle to about 20 degrees the third day and it again worked
Finally, for the last two days I have been able to lay completely flat without pain as well as bending over without pain
Hallelujah!
It seems that my lung was so scrunched up from the amount of fluid that the expanding process was abnormally painful
It does seem that nothing is easy in this cancer journey
It is definitely a day by day by day journey...
On Sunday, two days ago, we had an open house at our generously finished lake cabin
Which was a wonderful time visiting with and thanking people
But the aftermath of such social ventures is really rough...causing me to physically, mentally and emotionally "crash" for some days due to the output it requires and the very little capacity that I still have in this body that is in the midst of battling cancer
So, I would appreciate prayer for the end of this week...
My mom's Memorial Service and The Coffee Oasis Annual Gala Fundraiser are both on this coming Saturday!
And I will be speaking at both:)
Thank you again for your support and encouragement and prayer
Dave
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