The Cycle

I completed on July 17th my 9th treatment cycle

Every three weeks the same cycle repeats itself

Kind of...

1. Cindy and I first meet with my oncologist to discuss my progress or concerns

And if there are any changes that need to be made to my treatment plan.

2. I have blood work done to ascertain the impact that treatment is having on my body

Positively or negatively

Things like my white blood count, red blood count and tumor markers.

3. I have my chemo and immunotherapy infusions

Where I sit in a large room with about one or two dozen other patients

Hooked up to IVs

Each of us receiving our prescribed treatments for our particular cancer.

It's pretty much the same cycle every three weeks

Lasting about 4 hours or so

Every third Friday

Rain or shine!

This part of The Cycle is pretty routine and easy

Listening to music or an audio book or doing a bit of work

While enjoying the snacks that they provide!

The ramifications are what makes The Cycle challenging:(

The Physical Ramifications

The 7-10 days following each treatment are especially tough

Due to the side effects of the chemicals that are pumped into my body at each treatment

And the additional chemicals (i.e. medicines) prescribed to counteract those side effects

That I also need to take after each treatment...

That cause other side effects!

These side effects include:

Nausea, constipation, body pain, extreme fatigue, high blood pressure, headaches, etc...

Or to sum it up...just feeling basically yucky!

With some of the side effects carrying on all the time:(

The Mental Ramifications

This might be the hardest aspect of The Cycle...

The battle in my head!

The stark realization that at least one to one and a half weeks

Out of every three weeks

I am going to feel nasty

And as the chemicals continue to accumulate in my body

The side effects and fatigue that I now live with

Will continue to be a part of my daily existence

And that this cycle...The Cycle

Is going to last a loooong time

At least two years or more

Depending on how things continue to progress!

The mental battle

With discouragement

Can be overwhelming:(

Which might seem pretty pathetic to some of you

Who are thinking

"He should just be thrilled to be alive!"

And I am

But...

So, till next time

Thank you again for listening and praying and encouraging!

I still need it:)

P.S. My last tumor markers were great, being solidly now within the normal range!

Blessings,

Dave

A White Pastor's Prayer

Below is an Opinion piece that I wrote for our local newspaper

And is running in today's edition...

I'm offering it to you not because it has anything to do with my cancer journey

But because it is something of much importance that is heavy on my mind.

Heavenly Father,

You have said that we are to weep with those who weep

That we are to treat others as we ourselves would want to be treated

And that we are to love our neighbors as ourselves.

You have said that what is good and what you require of us

Is to act justly, to love mercy and to walk humbly before you.

You have said that being in Christ is what matters

Not one’s nationality or race or education or social position

And that Christ is equally available to all.

You have told us to pray 

“Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven” 

And have given us a beautiful glimpse of heaven in the book of Revelation

Where people from every race and language and people group and nation are part of your glorious eternal plan.

And…you have said that faith without action is worthless!

It is no faith at all to say that I believe these things without truly living them out.  

It merely amounts to cheap words.

Heavenly Father,

Forgive me.  

My actions have not been a reflection of your truth.  

My actions have not demonstrated faith, but fear.  

They have not shown empathy, but apathy.

I have never deliberately shown bias against my black brother or sister.  

I do not think I could be called prejudiced.  

I have always spoken against injustice and called for equality.

But...I have not wept with those who weep.  

I have not sought to identify with and understand and feel...

The fear and humiliation and hurt experienced on a daily basis by my black brothers and sisters. 

I have never had to have a conversation with my sons...

About what to do and how to act when they are stopped by the police.  

I have never questioned the “whitewashing” of our American history 

Or the absence of African American or Native American heroes in our school books.

I have been content to build relationships with 

But not really increase in understanding of 

What it is like to grow up black or brown or yellow in the United States of America.  

I have been deluded to believe that racism is only in the South 

And that every advantage to me is also available to everyone else equally where I live and work and worship.

Forgive me Father!

I have allowed myself to be blinded by my own desire for comfort 

Instead of being willing to identify with and do something about 

The very real fears and injustices experienced by my brothers and sisters.  

I have been like the priest in the story of the Good Samaritan 

Who made a wide detour away from the wounded man on the road to Jerusalem 

Rather than risk personal injury himself.

I have been content to speak rather than act 

When your Word tells us we should lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters,

And questions our love for God if it is only with words or speech 

And not with actions or in truth.

Father, forgive me!

Show me how to love like Jesus loved.  

Help me to love my neighbor – all of them – as myself.  

Help me to weep with those who weep.  

Help me to fight injustice, to love mercy and to do it all while walking humbly before You!

In the Name of Jesus, Amen.

Good News!

I had my endoscopy a week ago today

On June 29th

The reason for the procedure was...

Because a CT scan showed a thickening of the wall of my esophagus

And I was having difficulty swallowing

Not fun and a bit...okay...a lot scary

With the concern that the cancer had spread to my esophagus.

Well...the results of the biopsies came back today

No cancer in the esophagus!

Hallelujah!!

The problem seems to be...

My diet:(

In order to gain the weight back

Of which I had lost quite a bit

I had substantially changed my menu options to include:

Bacon...yum!

Sausage...yum!

Full fat dairy, instead of reduced fat...yum!

I was also enjoying many more espresso milkshakes!!

(Hey...it was in order to gain weight!!)

You get the idea:)

The result was that it was wreaking havoc on my esophagus and stomach

Causing a hiatal hernia and greatly irritating my esophagus.

Which has greatly improved already

As I have changed my diet back to a much more austere menu:(

Which sadly means no more, at least for the time being,

Bacon, Sausage, Full Fat dairy products, Coffee (ouch!), etc...

So...very thankful for the results of the endoscopy.

One last thing...

I generally feel good

Except for the week after each chemo treatment

BUT I really struggle with feeling whooped much of the time:(

It is really hard mentally

It is hard being so weak most of the time

My body experiencing the effects of the chemo as it fights the cancer

I usually have a good cry fairly often...

Cancer and chemo is very humbling!

Thanks again for caring and praying and encouraging...

You all are a blessing to me and my family!

Dave